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Raising
Responsible Teens
Peer
pressure move over. There’s a more powerful influence in the lives of
teens and it’s found at home.
While
peers undoubtedly influence each other, social science research
demonstrates time and time again that parents actually matter most.
However, having parents per se is not the determining factor. Rather it is
the degree to which mom, dad, or guardian actually monitors the teen’s
behaviour that is a decisive factor in reducing the risk of pregnancy as
well as drug, alcohol, and cigarette use in their teen.
Higher
degrees of “parental monitoring” is measured by the parent’s
knowledge and ability to respond to these questions:
-
Do you know who your teen’s friends
are?
-
If your teen is going to be late, does
s/he know that you expect him/her to call?
-
Do you know where your teen is and
what s/he is doing after school?
-
Does your teen tell you who s/he will
be with before they go out?
-
Do you know where your teen is when he
or she goes out at night?
-
Do you know how your teen spends his
or her money?
-
Do you know the parents of your
teen’s friends?
-
Do you talk with your teen about the
plans s/he has with his/her friends?
Some
parents back off from monitoring their teen thinking they are thwarting
their teen’s independence. In other situations, the teen may view such
questions by their parents as intrusive and may balk, feeling their
parents are demanding and interfering.
There
are 3 key things to remember for successful parental monitoring:
-
Parental
monitoring works best with parents who already have a reasonable
relationship with their teen. Family members should show mutual
respect and there should already be family rules in place that govern
behaviour.
-
Parents
must approach the issue of parental monitoring from a point of view of
concern, guidance and respect. Many of the questions are a matter of
courtesy and cut both ways. It is reasonable to know when to expect
family members and to know how to contact each other in case of
emergency. It is equally important for children to know where parents
are and how children can make contact. This is simply mutually
respectful behavior for planning and safety.
-
Start
when your kids are young and be a good role model. If you want to know
where your kids are, always let them know where you are too. Explain
and demonstrate from an early age that family members stay in touch
and show concern for each other.
Children
and teens develop self-esteem as a result of their parent’s involvement
in their lives. Parental monitoring may seem like a pain to some teens,
but hey, you only concern yourself with things that are important.
So, parental monitoring isn’t about surveillance, it’s about
caring. That’s a good message to any teen.
Gary
Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
www.yoursocialworker.com
gary@yoursocialworker.com
(905)
628-4847
Gary
Direnfeld
is a child-behaviour expert, a social worker, and the author of Raising
Kids Without Raising Cane. Gary not only helps people get along or feel
better about themselves, but also enjoys an extensive career in public
speaking. He provides insight on issues ranging from child behaviour
management and development; to family life; to socially responsible
business development. Courts in Ontario, Canada consider Gary an expert on
matters pertaining to child development, custody and access,
family/marital therapy and social work.
Buy
the book:
For
information on Direnfeld's book, Raising Kids Without Raising Cane,
click
here.
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