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Managing With a Difficult Person

I was chatting with someone about adversity.

It was adversity in dealing with challenging people, those who would lie, cheat and manipulate to win something at a cost to another.

I explained that at times, seeking to win against such a person may itself be a losing game, mostly because some do lie and manipulate better than others tell the truth.

In that context, the strategy is to shift from seeking to win, to seeking to survive as best one can.

Indeed, many folks argue that such circumstances arenít fair.

However, this is not about whatís fair, it is about minimizing any potential damages as a result of the adversity. Seeking to win just keeps one immersed and connected to such a person and hence the adversity continues, often to their glee.

So the challenge is to accept that some things in life are not fair and an outcome may be poor. Your choice becomes more about how poor the outcome becomes.

With that you can change the game by concentrating on survival and management.

Assuming you survive, then you work on rebuilding.

Through rebuilding you can hopefully move into thriving.

Adversity happens. Survival and thriving depends upon your choices.

Seeking to win, may be a losing game.

Wisdom? Knowing the difference.

And that, is maturity.



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Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
(905) 628-4847  


Gary Direnfeld is a social worker in private practice. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider Gary an expert on child development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report.


Call Gary for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Services include counselling, mediation, assessment, assessment critiques and workshops.


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