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Regardless
of Decision Making Authority, Get on Same Page
Question
I have shared custody my children on a week about basis, though the court has
given me control over all medical decisions. Recently my son who is 12
soon to be 13 was given medication for ADHD. His father does not agree
with this diagnosis or treatment. My son was taking the medication for 2
months, his report card has improved slightly this term but now refuses to
take it. This is becoming a major source of conflict with him and I and I feel
that it is because he is listening to his dad's opinion. I'm afraid my son
will go down the wrong path if he is not treated. I'm seriously thinking
of contacting CAS over the matter as I feel alone in the fight to help my son.
Answer
Despite your feeling alone in the fight to help your son, the boy's father is
obviously a big part of the picture. He also likely feels as if he is alone in
his the same fight. Given your information, he would likely argue that your lad
is otherwise fine apart from perhaps lolly-coddling. So perhaps in his view,
rather than medication, hold your lad accountable to expectations.
Needles-to-say, the fight rages on.
A good colleague of mine likes to refer to ADD as "Attention Divided by
Divorce". In situations such as described it is common to see children do
poorly at school oftentimes themselves distracted by the parental conflict.
Indeed, it is difficult for many children to concentrate and follow through with
school work amidst the noise and differing opinions of separated parents.
Even though your son may have been diagnosed with ADHD, it is important to
figure out the root cause. Is there a neuro-cognitively mediated problem for
which medication is an appropriate treatment or as my colleague would say, is
this child's attention divided by divorce - parental conflict?
The key in these situations is to attend for an assessment with a psychologist
or social worker who would include both parents in the assessment process.
Thereafter a better determination may be made as to treatment options. Please
note of course, there can be both neuro-cognitive issues as well as social
issues (parental conflict) affecting your son. In either case or both,
counselling will be necessary for the parents to get them on board with one well
coordinated treatment plan.
As you are learning, even though you have authority on medical decisions, it
still remains important to have agreement between parents, particularly when
there is conflict. You can contact the CAS, but in the end, that likely will not
resolve the conflict and may only escalate matters making them worse.
Ask the father to attend counselling with you to sort out these challenges.
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Gary
Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
(905) 628-4847
gary@yoursocialworker.com
www.yoursocialworker.com
Gary Direnfeld is a social worker in private practice. Courts in Ontario,
Canada, consider Gary an expert on child development, parent-child
relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations,
social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique on a
Section 112 (social work) report.
Call
Gary for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters.
Services include counselling, mediation, assessment, assessment critiques
and workshops.
Buy
the book:
For
information on Direnfeld's book, Raising Kids Without Raising Cane,
click
here.
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