INTERACTION
CONSULTANTS
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INTERACTION CONSULTANTS |
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A strength-guided, goal-oriented approach to the positive growth and
development of people and services.
Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
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Life With Children
Questions and answers appear in my weekly parenting column in the Hamilton Spectator newspaper. Yours may be next, but no guarantees...
Email Me a Parenting Question -- 50 words maximum -- please include a daytime phone number where you can be reached.
Please note: Reprinting of these articles require permission of the Publisher; The Hamilton Spectator, 44 Frid St., Hamilton, Ont., L8N 4G3
Below are Q&A's from my parenting column as well as other articles in which I am quoted. |
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17-year-old
Needs More Responsibilities
Regardless of Decision Making Authority, Get on Same Page Settling Issues Between High Conflict Separated Parents Daughter First, Boyfriend Second Drugs, Alcohol and off to University! Two-Year-Old Testing Language Tests Mom Problematic Teen? Counselling for Parents First! Peace for children of separated parents at Christmas 8 heart-felt replies... Down Syndrome Dad is very Ill. Child confused about God.
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GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/11/09
(Nov
9, 2009) - Many readers have offered other points of view to a
recent column in which I suggested a mom may inadvertently be
reinforcing the shy behaviour of her son.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/11/02
(Nov
2, 2009) - Q: How do we deal with a narcissistic family member who
constantly spoils special family gatherings? She spoils every holiday
with her constant negativity. She doesn't lift a finger to help but
complains about everything.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/10/26
(Oct
26, 2009) - Q: I'm a little older and pregnant. I had amniocentesis
and learned that my baby will have Down syndrome. I don't know if I
can love this baby and I am afraid to tell anyone. What should I do?
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/10/19
(Oct
19, 2009) - Q: My six-year-old son has always been somewhat
sensitive but still outgoing and not shy. Since June he has become
afraid of everything.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/10/13
(Oct
13, 2009) - Q: I am the mother of a delightful three-year-old girl.
My husband has a textbook hostile personality; the world is out to
get him, people don't appreciate him and somebody is always trying
to slight him or rip him off.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/10/05
(Oct
5, 2009) - Q: I do not agree with your answer to the question
whether children should be allowed to have sips of their parents'
beer.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/09/28
(Sep
28, 2009) - Q: I'm pregnant and worried about breastfeeding.
Francine
Kopun 2009/09/24
(Sep
24, 2009) - He was the nice young guy next door who helped shovel
the driveway. She was an attractive mom of two, nine years his
senior.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/09/22
(Sep
22, 2009) - Q: My 12-year-old son fell ill three years ago just
after his brother was born. My husband and I have been together
since my oldest son was three, but he isn't my son's biological
father.
Francine
Kopun 2009/09/16
(Sep
16, 2009) - Hugging is the new hello, if you're a teenager. It's
also goodbye, nice to see you, good job, let's chat and, even, hey,
it's recess.
2009/09/14
(Sep
14, 2009) - Q: My girl is 13. She was always so pleasant and
obedient when she was younger. I was always very permissive and
lenient with her. Now she is becoming out of control.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/09/08
(Sep
8, 2009) - Q: I have a question about exposing teens to alcohol. I
am divorced with two children (son, age 13 and daughter, age 12). On
a few occasions my son's father and his friends have let him have
sips of their beer. What should I do? Is it healthy to let children
have a sip now and then?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/08/31
(Aug
31, 2009) - Q: My ex and I share joint custody of our children. We
have not been able to come to a final divorce settlement, despite
going through mediation, family court, and exploring out of court
settlement offers.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/08/24
(Aug
24, 2009) - Q: My husband and I are both in a second marriage, and
we both have kids from our first marriages. Mine live with us almost
full time, and his children are with us every other weekend from
Friday after school until Monday morning. Our problem is that our
girls -- we both have 11-year-olds -- don't get along. We want them
to understand they are sisters now, but they fight constantly. What
should we do?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/08/17
(Aug
17, 2009) - Q: My son is four and he never really saw his father. We
were married when my son was born but my husband had drug problems
and left by the time my son was one. He has come back into my son's
life, but my son doesn't want to see him. He is court-ordered to
visit, but my son refuses to go and has an upset stomach at the
thought of going from the day before. Do you think my son needs
therapy?
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/08/10
(Aug
10, 2009) - Q; I have a question about my five-year-old
granddaughter. She is bright and very precocious, which I believe is
a result of being exposed mostly to adults and her two teenage
sisters. We try to counteract this influence when she is with us, by
doing age- related activities with her.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/08/04
(Aug
4, 2009) - Q: My husband does something that really bothers me. He
thinks it is harmless fun, but I feel it is counterproductive and
could even be damaging. He uses reverse psychology in a joking way
with our grandchildren and thinks it is funny.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/07/27
(Jul
27, 2009) - Q. have been doing extensive research on Parental
Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). In reading about
several Ontario court cases and reports from other respected mental
health professionals, the behaviour causing this syndrome in a child
is in itself abusive. When one parent deliberately, systematically
denigrates, demeans, and in severe cases falsely accuses the other
parent of abuse and other unseemly actions, the result on the child
or children is emotionally and psychologically devastating.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/07/20
(Jul
20, 2009) - Q: My ex allows our 14-year-old daughter to post her
full name, address, cell-phone number, home phone number, and e-mail
address on her social networking web page. Her profile is open and
she has 194 "friends" who can view her information -- not
to mention the number of people on their friends' lists who can also
see it. She falsely listed her birthdate and says she is graduating
high school when she is only graduating Grade 8.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/07/13
(Jul
13, 2009) - Q: My husband and I are recently separated. Our kids are
six, seven and nine. He doesn't hit the kids but we have different
parenting styles. I try to talk things out with my kids and he would
rather send them to their room. I am worried they will be confused
by our different parenting styles. What should I do?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/07/06
(Jul
6, 2009) - Q: Our 12-year-old daughter told us that a friend on
Facebook, asked her to send a naked picture of herself to him. I am
proud that she told us, but the situation still worries me. What
should I do?
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/06/29
(Jun
29, 2009) - Q: My daughter just turned three last week. My
soon-to-be ex wants to take her for four nights to visit relatives
(whom the baby does not know) and it is a 13-hour drive without
stops. She has never been away from me overnight. There are a lot of
other issues but it would take too long to write them all out. I
have told him his idea is not in her best interest. Any suggestions
for getting through to him?
Carmelina
Prete 2009/06/24
(Jun
24, 2009) - Hamilton's public school board expects one in 10 of its
students to enrol in specialty programs this fall as the explosion
of customized courses changes the landscape of local public
education.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/06/22
(Jun
22, 2009) - Q: Three months ago my husband broke the news to me
about his affair. Within a week he was out of the house and living
with the other woman. We had been married 11 years. Within a month
of his being out of the house he wants to introduce our two children
to his girlfriend. Our children do not want to meet with him and now
he is complaining to his lawyer that I am keeping the kids away.
What should I do?
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/06/15
(Jun
15, 2009) - Q: My granddaughter just turned three, and she is
stressed to the max as far as I am concerned. Her parents are going
to split up in two weeks.
2009/06/08
(Jun
8, 2009) - Q: I would like to know your opinion on time outs. I was
a stay-at-home mom all my children's lives.
Carmelina
Prete 2009/06/03
(Jun
3, 2009) - What do you do with your dead son's stocking on your
first Christmas without him?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/06/01
(Jun
1, 2009) - Q: How do parents tell two boys age seven and eight that
they are separating? My daughter has made the decision to separate
from her husband after many months of turmoil over his infidelity
and drinking problem. Her greatest concern is for her sons.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/05/25
(May
25, 2009) - Q: My three-year-old daughter's father and I are not
able to communicate, so when he picks her up for her four-hour
weekly visit, I send a book we call the communication journal,
something his lawyer advised. In the first entry I had written that
if he were going to give her anything, he was only to give her one
gift or none at all. She came home with four bags of things, as he
hadn't seen her in more than three months.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/05/19
(May
19, 2009) - Q: Our son was born with spina bifida, which has been
mostly surgically corrected. He wears leg braces and is in a regular
classroom. He likes being treated like one of the boys and he tries
his best to keep up with the other kids. He is in Grade 1. My
problem is this: He gets aggressive at school.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/05/11
(May
11, 2009) - Q: Our daughter is in Grade 7, and if she does any
homework, she rushes through it so she can get on her Facebook page.
How can I get her to do her homework more diligently?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/05/04
(May
4, 2009) - Q: Summer isn't even here yet and my ex is already
fighting over summer holiday access. Our kids are 10 and 12.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/04/28
(Apr
28, 2009) - Q: My neighbour's four-year-old boy was over last week
playing with our daughter, the same age. They were playing quietly
and when I went to check on them, they both had their pants down and
were staring at each other. I was so terrified I snatched up my
daughter and sent the boy home. I haven't told his parents what
happened. I was thinking of calling the police or children's aid.
What should I do?
2009/04/20
(Apr
20, 2009) - Q: My son has trouble with aggression. He is eight and
gets into fights at school. I have hit him to see if he likes it,
and I have told him a million times not to hit, but it doesn't seem
to stop him. I am thinking of putting him in karate to learn
self-control. Is this a good idea?
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/04/13
Q:
My daughter will be 14 soon. She is a perfect child around other
adults and children but very different at home.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/04/06
(Apr
6, 2009) - Q: I am 14 years old. My dad just lost his job and my
parents are always fighting.
2009/03/30
(Mar
30, 2009) - Q: My husband drinks a lot, but mostly after the kids
are in bed. I tell him it's not good to drink, and he says that as
long as the kids don't see it, it's OK. Will his drinking hurt the
kids?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2009/03/16
(Mar
16, 2009) - Q: My 10-year-old son plays competitive golf in
Scotland. He has tremendous ability but whenever he hits a bad shot
it is my fault. He swore at me following a bad shot in a
competition.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/03/09
(Mar
9, 2009) - Q: I'm about to become a first-time mother and I'm
nervous. My parents were never around and I have low self-esteem. I
don't want my child to suffer like I did. What should I do?
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/03/02
(Mar
2, 2009) - Q: I am having a challenging time potty training my
three-year-old son. For a few months, he was letting us know when he
needed to go, but he would only do it in a diaper. He had a
favourite spot in the living room (behind the curtains) where he
would go.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/02/23
(Feb
23, 2009) - Q: My ex and I have had a custody and access assessment
done through the court, and I think the assessor got it wrong. I
want to hire my own assessor, but when I phoned one, he wouldn't
give me the time of day.
2009/02/17
(Feb
17, 2009) - For nonprofit, charity or fundraising events in Hamilton
and area, submit items in writing to Too Good To Miss, The Hamilton
Spectator, 44 Frid St., Hamilton, L8N 3G3, by e-mail to toogood@thespec.com
only (no other e-mail addresses please) or fax 905-526-3510.
Deadline is two weeks prior to publication.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/02/09
(Feb
9, 2009) - Q: Our granddaughter lives with her parents on a week
about basis. They separated years ago and her father has since
remarried a woman with a child who irritates my granddaughter at
times. Her father seems to favour this other child.
2009/02/02
(Feb
2, 2009) - Q: My three-year old refuses to use the potty. She has
been using it since age two and is well aware of when she needs to
go. I have tried encouragement, praise, ignoring, bribes, rewards
and timeouts -- all unsuccessfully. If I intervene before she goes,
she will just hold it.
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/01/26
(Jan
26, 2009) - Q: Our children are six, eight and 10. I have been
recently diagnosed with cancer and don't know what to tell then. My
husband is having a hard time dealing with this too. What should we
do?
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/01/19
(Jan
19, 2009) - Q: I am afraid to tell our two-year-old "no."
Every time I do, she runs around in circles, screaming. What should
I do?
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/01/12
(Jan
12, 2009) - Q. My husband and I recently separated, and Christmas
with the kids was a disaster. I know we ruined their Christmas
because we fought about which parent they should be with. How do we
sort this out for next year and for Easter?
Gary
Direnfeld 2009/01/05
(Jan
5, 2009) - Q: I am a grandmother. I have a hard time accepting how
many younger people today are not, in my mind, protective enough
when it comes to watching out for their children, especially around
pools.
gary
direnfeld 2008/12/22
(Dec
22, 2008) - Q: My daughter is turning 17 shortly. Her friends wanted
to throw her a party at one of their houses (over an hour away) and
I recommended at home instead.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/12/15
(Dec
15, 2008) - While I'd be the last to suggest people not consult a
professional -- given my role -- I am disturbed that the answer to
everyone's problem is a professional.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/12/08
(Dec
8, 2008) - Q: I read your most recent column about anti-depressants
for a teenaged girl. My daughter has also been prescribed
anti-depressants, but I heard there is an increased risk of suicide
and I don't know what to do. Should she still try the medication?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2008/11/25
(Nov
25, 2008) - Q: The psychiatrist wants to put our daughter on
antidepressants. She is 18 and just sits at home. My husband is
against this and says if she just got off her butt, she would feel
better.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/11/17
(Nov
17, 2008) - Q: We are at our wits end with our 14-year-old son
always playing video games. When we try to talk with him, he tells
us off. When we threaten to take his Nintendo away, he threatens to
kill himself. What do we do?
Tamsyn
Burgmann 2008/11/17
TORONTO
(Nov 17, 2008) - To some they're a status symbol; to others they
represent a temporary escape from the humdrum of life.
Tamsyn
Burgmann, THE CANADIAN PRESS 2008/11/16
TORONTO
- To some they're a status symbol, while to others they represent a
temporary escape from the humdrum of life.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/11/10
(Nov
10, 2008) - Q: Our 14-year-old son is giving us constant grief.
Right now he is on a grounding for three weeks. What more can I do
with him so the punishment sinks in?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2008/10/27
(Oct
27, 2008) - Q: The parents of Brandon Crisp, a 15-year-old who ran
away from his Barrie home on Oct. 13, are convinced his obsession
with online video game addiction to Call Of Duty 4: Modern Warfare,
is linked with his disappearance. What advice could you offer
parents who worry their children also seem addicted to online games?
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/10/20
(Oct
20, 2008) - Q: I am having trouble with my 10-year-old daughter. She
doesn't want to go to school and she doesn't listen to me. When she
was five, her dad and I moved from out east to Calgary. I caught him
fooling around, and we moved here four months ago because my family
lives here now. How can I get her to listen to me?
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/10/11
(Oct
11, 2008) - With Thanksgiving and Christmas just around the corner,
many newlyweds will be struggling with not only whose parents to
visit first, but should they even visit at all.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/10/06
(Oct
6, 2008) - LIFE WITH CHILDREN
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/09/29
(Sep
29, 2008) - Q: My son is asking if I ever smoked pot. He's 14, and I
am not sure what to tell him.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/09/15
(Sep
15, 2008) - Q: My four-year-old has tantrums whenever he doesn't get
his way.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/09/08
(Sep
8, 2008) - Q: Our nine-year-old was after us for months to learn to
play the saxophone. He had seen someone playing on TV and thought it
was just the greatest thing.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/09/02
(Sep
2, 2008) - Q: My 16-year-old son would play online games 25 hours a
day if he could. I've limited him to five hours a day. He doesn't
seem interested in any other activity and tends to mope around and
watch TV or play his old Game Boy when not online.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/08/25
(Aug
25, 2008) - Q: I have a 4 1/2-year-old daughter who loves her
soother so much we just cannot get her to give it up. Whenever we
take the soother away, she will suck her thumb, shirt collar or
anything. At 2 1/2 years, we began encouraging her to use the
soother less. At three years, we took her shopping for her choice of
toy, then threw out all the soothers. This plan backfired when she
inserted her fingers into her mouth instead, so we turned to
soothers again. I catch her with one or two fingers in her mouth
throughout the day, usually when watching TV or when she is
stressed. I would appreciate your advice.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/08/18
(Aug
18, 2008) - Q: Our 15-year-old daughter has always been respectful
of our limits and expectations, but recently she has begun keeping
secrets from us, not wanting to tell us where she is going or who
she is with.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/08/11
(Aug
11, 2008) - Q: Is there any way for a non-custodial parent to get a
court order enforced when one no longer has the funds to obtain a
lawyer and doesn't qualify for legal aid? What good is a justice
system that delivers an order with a huge debt attached and then
requires you to spend more to see that it is enforced. Doesn't an
order by a judge have to be followed? And are there not consequences
for not following an order.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/08/05
(Aug
5, 2008) - Q: Our daughter is going to enter junior kindergarten in
September. She is really anxious about leaving her friends and going
to "big girl school." I keep trying to reassure her, but
she only gets more upset. What's wrong with her?
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/07/28
(Jul
28, 2008) - Q: My five-year-old son is showing ambiguous behaviour
toward a friend he really values. He has been teasing the boy a lot
ever since he found out, to his dismay, that his friend will be
moving to another city in a few months.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/07/07
(Jul
7, 2008) - Q: After the summer, our son will be going to day care,
but he needs to be potty trained. He is 30 months old now. What can
I do to get him trained in time for September?
2008/06/23
(Jun
23, 2008) - Q: I am a single parent and my 10-year-old is arguing
with me about what he is going to do this summer. He just wants to
hang around the house. I want him to go to day camp. I have to work
and can't keep on eye on him. What should I do?
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/06/16
(Jun
16, 2008) - Parents must understand that, when dealing with kids'
behaviour, the parent must not only talk the talk, but walk the
walk.
Brent
Lawson 2008/06/12
(Jun
12, 2008) - He's Adonis in stained gym shorts, circa 1999; Prince
Valiant with a bald spot.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/06/09
(Jun
9, 2008) - Q: My teen is begging me for a cellphone. She says all
her friends have one and she feels left out. Should I get her one?
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/06/02
(Jun
2, 2008) - Q: We use positive reinforcement raising our
two-year-old. It has been working very well, praising good behaviour
and ignoring her during tantrums after explaining her limits and our
reasons. We don't believe in spanking. Other members of our family
tell us that, sooner or later, all kids will need to be spanked, as
other forms of discipline won't work as effectively. Is this really
true?
Carmelina
Prete 2008/05/28
(May
28, 2008) - Heather Mills. Leanne Domi. Paula Jones.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/05/26
(May
26, 2008) - Q: Our 17-year-old son has just told us he is gay. I
find this hard to believe, and his father is refusing to speak with
him. What should we do?
2008/05/15
(May
15, 2008) - By Morteza Jafarpour and Agnes Gizard, as told to
Carmelina Prete
2008/05/01
(May
1, 2008) - What: The Hamilton Spectator's Open Forum for The Way We
Eat, hosted by series writer Carmelina Prete. Learn about portion
distortion, body image, decoding labels and more. Experts on hand to
answer questions include Randy Calvert of the Metabolism, Exercise
and Nutrition Portfolio at McMaster Children's Hospital, Dundas
social worker and Life With Children columnist Gary Direnfeld,
Hamilton Public Health Services registered dietitian Pat
Elliott-Moyer and eating-disorder specialist and pediatrics
professor Dr. Christina Grant. Meet the makeover families and
dietitians from the series. There will be prizes and interactive
learning stations.
2008/05/01
(May
1, 2008) - Bring your nutrition questions to The Hamilton
Spectator's open forum tonight for The Way We Eat, hosted by
Carmelina Prete, writer of The Spectator series by the same name.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/04/28
(Apr
28, 2008) - Q: My 16-year-old son has an ongoing relationship (since
July) with a girl whom he met for only four days.
Dr.
Christina Grant 2008/04/24
(Apr
24, 2008) - The No. 1 wish among teenage girls is to lose weight.
Carmelina
Prete 2008/04/24
(Apr
24, 2008) - Kirsten Ulrich no longer needs a nap to get through the
day.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/04/21
(Apr
21, 2008) - Q: My three-and-a-half-year-old son is still
breastfeeding, mostly just for the occasional nap he takes or for
bedtime. I get a lot of flack for it from family members. I'm
wondering how common are breastfeeding toddlers? And how in the
world do I stop?
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/04/14
(Apr
14, 2008) - Q: My wife and I are living separately now and the major
cause is my 12-year-old stepdaughter who has told us to our faces
many times she will do whatever she can to see us apart. What do I,
the stepdad, do to work toward bringing my family back together?
It's slowly killing my wife and me. We do love each other, but this
is out of control.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/04/07
(Apr
7, 2008) - Q: My new husband and I argue about how well I get along
with my ex. He doesn't get along well with his ex-wife and barely
sees his kids. My son sees his father regularly. I think this is
good. What should I do? Coming together as a blended family can be
fraught with many challenges.
2008/04/03
(Apr
3, 2008) - The Way We Eat is a 12-part multimedia series about the
challenges and successes of three local families who made over their
eating habits for three months.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2008/03/31
(Mar
31, 2008) - Q: My four-year-old keeps whining for snacks before
supper. Sometimes it can even be just a few minutes before I serve
dinner. When I try to make him wait, he flops on the floor until I
give in. What am I doing wrong?
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/03/27
(Mar
27, 2008) - Teaching kids healthy eating is not a lecture -- it is a
parental practice through which children observe and learn.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/03/24
(Mar
24, 2008) - Q: My five-year-old son would give up any of his toys if
another kid is interested -- even if the kid is two or three years
old. He does not try to get his toys back.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/03/17
(Mar
17, 2008) - Q: Our son is begging for the keys to the car. He is
still just 16 and recently got his G2. Should I let him use the car?
Carmelina
Prete 2008/03/13
(Mar
13, 2008) - Kirsten Ulrich knows what it takes to eat healthily. She
advises her patients every day about sugar counts and proper eating
habits.
Carmelina
Prete 2008/03/13
(Mar
13, 2008) - Kirsten Ulrich knows what readers might be thinking
about her -- a nurse eating fast food every day.
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/03/10
(Mar
10, 2008) - Q: Our six-year-old son keeps getting into trouble at
school. My husband and I keep arguing as to what the problem is. At
what point should we seek professional help?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2008/03/03
(Mar
3, 2008) - Q: My daughter is almost five years old. When I ask her
to do something, we get into an argument and she tells me she
doesn't love me. Then we argue about whether she loves me; I tell
her it's mean to say that she doesn't, and she says she doesn't
care. I'm worried that if I continue to argue, she will grow up not
loving me. So I back off, and she ends up not listening. Do kids
like this grow up not loving their parents?
Jeff
Mahoney 2008/02/16
(Feb
16, 2008) - You know what today is, don't you? F-Day, minus 2. Two
days to go. OK, boot camp. Are you ready? I said, Are you ready,
grunt?!!
GARY
DIRENFELD 2008/02/11
(Feb
11, 2008) - Q: We just had a custody and access assessment, and I
don't agree with the recommendations. What will happen?
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/02/04
(Feb
4, 2008) - Q: I work in a day-care centre. The boys, who are mainly
three-year-olds, appear obsessed with guns. We have attempted to
change their interest in guns into more appropriate play. We have
talked about how the use of guns can be very destructive. Do you
have any suggestions that may assist us in teaching the children
that guns are not toys?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2008/01/28
(Jan
28, 2008) - Q: Why would a teenage girl think of killing herself?
Her father thinks she might be lying just to get attention. I do not
think that is the reason. Her 15-year-old sister is always fighting
with me and, yes, at times I do fight with her. This has been going
on now for two-and-a-half years. In daddy's eyes, the 15-year-old
can do no wrong. How can I help my 14-year-old, who has said she has
thought of killing herself?
Gary
Direnfeld 2008/01/21
(Jan
21, 2008) - Q: Our 15-year-old daughter has been upset recently. I
finally got her to talk with me, and she says her boyfriend has
forced her to have sex. My husband believes she may have had sex,
but doesn't believe she was forced. What should we do?
Lori
Eisenberger 2008/01/16
(Jan
16, 2008) - Re: 'Teen pregnancy: It's not like in the movies' (Jan.
14)
GARY
DIRENFELD 2008/01/14
(Jan
14, 2008) - Q: My 12-year-old daughter is begging me to see Juno.
Should I let her?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2008/01/07
(Jan
7, 2008) - Please send your parenting question to gohealth@the-spec.com.
Ask me
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/12/31
(Dec
31, 2007) - Q: I have a 9 1/2-year-old son who is becoming defiant.
Recently when he misbehaved, I told him to go to his room. He just
looked at me and said "no." I repeated my request several
times and each time he replied no. At a loss for what to do, I
picked him up and started carrying him up the stairs. He finally
went to his room when he realized that I was going to put him there
one way or the other. If he is becoming this defiant at nine, I
worry about how I will handle him when he's 14. Can you please offer
some suggestions on how to handle this situation?
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/12/17
(Dec
17, 2007) - Q: My five year old is terrified of mascots. She has
never seen Santa and becomes afraid when mascots, characters or
actors in costumes are nearby. She physically shakes and cries even
before the event or seeing these characters. We have a family
vacation planned for the New Year in Disney World and I want to help
her through this so she can enjoy the trip. What can I do to help
her when I think it is more than a childhood fear, but actually a
phobia?
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/12/03
(Dec
3, 2007) - LIFE WITH CHILDREN
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/11/26
(Nov
26, 2007) - Q: My seven-year-old daughter is an outgoing, happy
child who is well-liked. An older girl in her school always does and
says cruel things to my daughter that make her cry. I have decided
it's best that my daughter not see the girl anymore. How do I
approach the parent and tell her?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/11/19
(Nov
19, 2007) - Q: I have heard so many people talk about "time
out" versus "time in." What is the difference or are
they the same thing?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/11/05
(Nov
5, 2007) - Q: In a blended family, what is the role of step-parent,
and is it appropriate for the step-parent to insist that the
separated parent schedule access to the children?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/10/29
(Oct
29, 2007) - Q: My six-year-old seems to always have his own agenda
at school, at home and in sports. For example, he takes powerskating
lessons with about 30 kids on the ice who range from six to 10 years
old. All the other kids stop and listen when the coach gives
instructions. My son continues to skate. Then, when he is supposed
to be skating the drill, he skates over to the side of the rink to
try to get our attention. He behaves the same way in his other
sports. He does not listen and does whatever he wants. Do you have
any thoughts on this behaviour?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/10/22
(Oct
22, 2007) - Q: Our five-year-old has never played much with toys. We
try to demonstrate and encourage independent play, but he still has
a hard time entertaining himself. He just wants to talk. He mostly
likes to explore and occasionally builds with blocks or pillows and
likes puzzle books or crafts. He is an extremely bright, articulate
and sensitive boy. Is this normal and how can we help our son learn
to entertain himself?
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/10/15
(Oct
15, 2007) - Q: How do I tactfully, in writing, remind my ex to abide
by the court order requirements for paperwork and access return
times without him becoming aggressive? Should I contact the
children's aid society about his conduct in front of our child who
has awoken from nightmares stating, "Daddy scared me"
after visits?
Compiled
by Kathi Aitken 2007/10/15
(Oct
15, 2007) - For nonprofit, charity or fundraising events in Hamilton
and area, submit items in writing to Too Good To Miss, The Hamilton
Spectator, 44 Frid St., Hamilton, L8N 3G3, by e-mail to toogood@thespec.com
only (no other e-mail addresses please) or fax 905-526-3510.
Deadline is two weeks prior to publication.
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/09/24
(Sep
24, 2007) - Q: My parents are alcoholic and used to hit me when I
was a child. They fight all the time, too. They are asking to have
our five-year-old daughter sleep over. What should I do? I have
trouble saying no.
2007/09/11
(Sep
11, 2007) - Q: My 15-year-old daughter doesn't listen to me. She
swears at me and sneaks out of the house. When her father tells her
not to do that, she says she can't promise not to do it again. They
talk in private whenever she is mad at me. She never admits to doing
anything wrong, and neither does her father. What should I do?
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/09/04
(Sep
4, 2007) - Q: Our 11-year-old is about to enter Grade 6. He has a
history of school problems. He gets into trouble but his grades are
Cs and Bs, so the school won't test him. What should I do?
2007/08/28
(Aug
28, 2007) - Q: Our 17-year-old son is off to university in
September. He is a quiet boy, and in the past week or so he has been
asking if we will miss him. I think he is having doubts about going
away. What should we do?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/08/21
(Aug
21, 2007) - Q: I read last week about three young Manitoba boys
stripping a six-year-old before throwing him in the lake where he
drowned. Can that happen here? What went wrong?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/08/14
(Aug
14, 2007) - Q: I have a nine-year-old who's been having problems in
school for quite some time. I see her on the weekends, but I know
that's not enough time to really instil confidence in her learning
ability. Her mom and I haven't been together since she was about
two, but I'm very much in her life. This is only a third of the
problems we experience, but what advice could you give me to remedy
this academic issue?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/08/07
(Aug
7, 2007) - Q: My youngest son, 14, was playing a video game today at
our house with a friend. In the game, there was a young woman tied
up, blindfolded and two men with guns. They proceeded to shoot her.
I told my son that I had no idea this game was so violent when I
rented it, and that I did not approve of him playing it. I told him
that I would take it back and he could get something else rated for
teens. He protested and said I had embarrassed him in front of his
friend.
gary
direnfeld 2007/07/31
(Jul
31, 2007) - Q: I am concerned about my eight-year-old granddaughter
who is having trouble getting along at school. She is bright, but
her mother is dyslexic. There is a new baby in the house and the
other grandparents live with them and always give in to her. What
should I do?
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/07/24
(Jul
24, 2007) - Q: My son will be three years old next month. He is
intelligent and has no difficulty in letting us know what he wants
and when. Except for toilet training. He will go on the toilet
whenever we regularly put him there, but he does not tell us when he
needs to go. Now the strange part... every time we are at a mall or
restaurant, he yells, "I gotta go pee!" And he does when
we bring him to the washroom. So how do we get him to do this at
home?
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/07/17
(Jul
17, 2007) - Q: Our daughter is two. She is very outgoing and
friendly with adults and children. In the past few months, she has
become shy at greeting people or groups of people, even family
members, who want to pick her up and become affectionate.It takes
her some time to adjust to a roomful of people. After 10 minutes of
settling, she is fine.
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/07/10
(Jul
10, 2007) - Q: My four-year-old son is going through a period where
he's afraid of doing things on his own. When we're playing in the
back yard, he's afraid of going in the house on his own to use the
bathroom. When we're inside and he wants to go to another part of
the house, he wants me to accompany him. Is it overactive
imagination? How should I handle this?
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/07/03
(Jul
3, 2007) - Q: I need advice on how to stop my seven-year-old
daughter from constantly telling nonsense lies.
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/06/26
(Jun
26, 2007) - Q: My four-year-old son is registered to start JK in
September. When we talk about the move from preschool to big school,
he is extremely worried and scared, and will start to cry just
talking about it.
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/06/18
(Jun
18, 2007) - Q: During the past few months, our nine-year-old
daughter has become sullen, moody and withdrawn. We've spoken with
her about this -- and even her teacher. Our daughter just says
nothing is wrong and goes to her room. What should we do?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/06/11
(Jun
11, 2007) - Q: My daughter swore me to secrecy before telling me her
girlfriend is still smoking pot even though her parents think
otherwise. Her parents knew she used to smoke pot. My daughter
thinks she can handle it better now. Should I tell the girl's
parents and break my promise to my daughter?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/05/28
(May
28, 2007) - Q: My son is almost four years old and generally
well-behaved though a bit strong-willed. What wears me down is his
contrariness. He says no often as a knee-jerk reaction to things he
normally really likes. And he often takes a contrary position in
conversations about things he knows nothing about. What are some
good ways for me to handle his contrariness without harming his
curiosity and self- esteem?
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/05/22
(May
22, 2007) - Q: I read a story about a teen who misbehaved and who
was made to wear a sandwich board by his parents, which read:
"I don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents
are preparing me for my future. Will work for food." Is public
humiliation a good way to manage a teen's behaviour?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/05/14
(May
14, 2007) - Q: My husband and I have chosen to have only one child.
Friends and strangers often ask, "Why aren't you going to have
any more?" Can you offer advice on how to handle this probing,
bothersome question?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/05/07
(May
7, 2007) - Q: I am getting a divorce and we are fighting over the
kids. I have heard about collaborative law.
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/04/30
(Apr
30, 2007) - Q: My five-year-old grandson spends some evenings with
his separated father. The father would bathe with the child as a
toddler, and the two would relax in bed in the nude, watching TV.
His mom has asked him not to bathe with the boy and allow him to go
around nude, to no avail. Also, these different rules are confusing
to the boy. Is this a normal situation?
Gary
Direnfeld 2007/04/02
(Apr
2, 2007) - Q: When we're eating dinner, our 27-month-old son will
eat very well for a little bit but suddenly pick up his plate and
dump it. Why does he do this, and how can we stop it?
GARY
DIRENFELD 2007/03/26
(Mar
26, 2007) - Q: My son seemed excited at the prospect of finishing
high school and attending university.
|
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